Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Big OOOOps

I just made what, I think, may stand in line for an entry in the Guiness Book of Records as the most expensive slice of crispbread....

It all started innocently enough. I got home from a hectic session of aquarobics, and thought "breakfast would be nice... " check the fridge, nothing really grabs me... look around, there is only my dad's sliced white bread, which is not my favourite... look in the cupboard and there is a box of crispbread... except it is no longer crisp.

"No problem" I tell myself, "a few seconds in the toaster will re-crisp it, and it will be very nice with mashed avocado pear." Now my immediate family will realise that this is quite a revolutionary statement. Ever since I was a kid, I have thought that avos were the most revolting thing on the planet, almost in the same category as some of the gross items the competitors on Survivor get to sink their long teeth into... my worst was the Tatrantulas.... eeeeuuugh!!! I now LOVE avo, and can't believe the wasted years when I missed out on them! But, as usual, I digress.

However, as I have previously pointed out, I have the attention span of a gnat these days.... so into the toaster went the un-crisp crispbreads, and I turned around to see that the tumble drier had just finished. Off I trundled to fold my dad's laundry before it creased, and as I was finishing that, I heard a strangled yelp from the kitchen.It was Princess, our char, who had arrived in the kitchen to see flames pouring from the toaster and engulfing the top cupboards! The plug, which is in a section of trunking running under the top cupboards, had melted and was dripping a plastic puddle into the toaster
the plastic sides of the toaster were also melting, and the earth leakage had tripped, leaving the whole house without power.

The electrician has just departed, struggling manfully not to laugh openly.

The amazing thing is, just this morning, I was thoroughly enjoying reading Bill Bryson's book "Notes from a Big Country" containing columns he wrote in 1997. One of the chapters deals with his mother's cooking, and clearly if we met, she and I would bond instantly and recognise in each other a soul-sister. To quote Bill Bryson "A combination of haste, forgetfulness and a charming incompetence where household appliances were concerned meant that most of her cooking experiences were punctuated with billows of smoke and occasional small explosions. In our house, as a rule of thumb, it was time to eat when the firemen departed."

I wonder if there is any connection between all this, and the fact that Mr Farty has recently developed a love for raw sprouts, nuts and salads?


Max-e said...

My darling you have a master's in the fine art of old testament cooking - but I think this one qualifies you for your doctorate :))

Suzi-k said...

hehe, yup, these burnt offerings turned to ash, I can't even offer you any leftovers when you get home tonight!

Laura Albertyn said...

Love this! Made my day!!

By the way - I think your cooking is great!!

Janet said...

You and I must be related! I always say that I'm allergic to kitchens. Hate to cook and always manage to mess everything up when I make an attempt at it. My hubby told me the smoke alarm is NOT a cooking timer!

I'm glad it wasn't any more serious than it was....and that you weren't hurt/burned or anything terrible.

JC said...

Bless your heart. What a way to start you day. I'm sorry but I'm reading this at work and I really needed a good laugh and you provided it. I love kitchen gadgets but I can get myself into a mess with them. Glad I'm not the only one. LOL Thanks for the graphics (pics).

Old Wom Tigley said...

I'm glad you can laugh this off... and see now the funny side of it.. The main thing is you and your home survived to tell the tale.
I have to admit that since I had my bypass my mind wanders and my concentration is lacking. I have burnt pans, and lost count of how many toast I've set on fire under the grill... oh! yes and the iron.. Lucky for me Jane as now takenover that jobs.. I have burnt holes in shirts and skirts. Have you seen and smelt the mess of exploded boild eggs?.. ha! or tried to clean up after.. what a mess Suzi... I'm sure all over the world this must be happening for one reason or another... I blame it on labour saving devices, and the dreaded 'multi-task' .. One thing at a time now.. thats my motto.

Keep Safe

Dina said...

Oh bummer. Sorry about that. Better luck next time.
A toast to you! hehe

Suzi-k said...

hehe, thanks for all the funny comments, still chuckling.
JC and Lau, glad you got a giggle out of it.
Tom, the first meal I ever made for max was burnt boiled eggs (so it's not as if he didn't know what he was getting into hehe!) BOY DID THEY STINK! And yes, they are a nightmare to clean, especially off the ceiling!
Janet, hehe, tell HB I love the 'smoke alarm is not a cooking timer' remark....
Dina, that is the only kind of toast that can happen around here for a while, until I replace the pop-up toaster. I certainly don't trust myself to leave bread under the grill!

babooshka said...

This is hilarious. Refreshing to see it's nit just me that has days like this. Like your style.

Terry said...

Glad you didn't burn the house down! This was funny. I once had a package of cocktail napkins that said, "Dinner will be ready when the smoke alarm goes off." Clever how you managed to melt the plug into the toaster. That's a cool trick!