Thursday, September 14, 2006

this is my theory....


This is my theory....
"I have a theory which i am about to relate."..... but it turns out that the more i examine it, the less i can compare it to Ann Elk's simple and foolproof theory about dinosaurs (which you have to be a Monty Python fanatic to know about, her theory was that dinosaurs are thin on one end, thicker in the middle, and thin on the other end. As you can see it is very hard to think of examples which would refute this!)
My theory goes like this, and by the way, the entire train of thought was sparked by Megan's post relating to the messy lady who had her home cleaned, and whose kids seemed to run the gauntlet of cat's excreta etc.
This led me to reflect that cats are, in fact, incredibly fastidious creatures, who insist on cleaning up after themselves and are very discreet about their bathroom habits. (Obviously my 3 are an exception, as anyone who has seen the floor around their food bowls will confirm, so already, in laying a foundation for my brilliant theory, I see flaws developing.) Megan admitted to being somewhat less than perfect as a proud housewife, and i must confess that i don't even get close to anything that could be described as housework unless the situation is dire and totally unavoidable. i guess no clean coffee cups (i even sometimes go and buy more to avert this crisis, rather than washing the existing thousands) or green fur on the plates in the sink qualifies as a trigger. Yet both Megan and i are cat people. i then started reflecting on all the dog lovers i know, and lo and behold, they are mostly perfectionists! Now even the most ardent doggy person will admit in all honesty that dogs are really not the cleanest animals. They take a dump wherever they happen to be, and stroll off with never the slightest wrinkle on the forehead to indicate concern that it is in the path of some unsuspecting human. They smell so nasty that regular baths are mandatory, and after licking their nether regions, take great delight in lolloping up to the closest human victim and smothering them with slobbery kisses. Now this is my theory......PERFECTIONISTS ARE CLOSET MASOCHISTS, so they torture themselves with dogs as pets, while non perfectionists (which is a PC way of saying SLOBS) are very clever people who know what is good for them and therefore choose to be owned by cats.
This leads to a corollary to the theory, that CATS ARE MASOCHISTS who choose to own slobs, which must drive them mad, because they are so finicky!
Then i think of a certain pilot i know, who is primarily a dog lover, but could in no way be described as a perfectionist, he would rather go out and buy new clothes than wash the ones he has, so it seems my theory is a bit like Latin, you learn a rule of Latin grammar, and then spend weeks learning all the exceptions to the rule!
Perhaps i should stick to arty pursuits and leave the theorising to the left brain thinkers...

4 comments:

megansblog said...

I like the theory a lot, but was wondering what your thoughts were on people who have -
horses?
mice?
goldfish?

Suzi-k said...

megan asks, what about horses, mice, golfish, well i'm clean out of theories, except that there seems to be some validity to the idea that people start to look like their pets. i think here i must hasten to exclude dog owners, because my friend hilary will not enjoy being likened to her Rottweillers, no matter how dotty she is about them! But as far as horses go, a picture of Princess Anne springs to mind, and i bet poppy eyed Mr Bean owns a goldfish.Would it be too catty for words to suggest that Cherrie Blair possibly owns a mouse?

lee said...

Sue, i have to say that i am a PERFECTIONIST dog lover who currently does not have a life. What is your advise on that.
Lee

Suzi-k said...

Hi Lee, glad to hear that my theory works in your case!
I have an appendix to my theory about perfectionists, which is that they like to be kept busy, hence the love for dogs. As far as getting a life goes, when I find out how it works I'll let you know!