Monday, March 05, 2007

Rainy day ramblings...

This is a meme which Swampgrrl posted over at Create a Connection last Wednesday, I worked on it over the weekend, but this is the first chance I have had to get online and post it.....

Getting to Know You Day Wednesday
1a. What is one thing about your body that you hate, deny, talk trash about?
To be honest the list is big, one thing…mmmm…. Well you would think it would be my weight, but actually I have already come to terms with that, I think it would have to be my teeth. My bite should have been corrected as a kid, but it wasn’t, and as a result, because my teeth meet when closed, instead of the front teeth overlapping the bottom ones, they have worn down a lot, they are now short and uneven, and I have had to have root canals when the nerves are exposed.
1b. What can you do to make friends with this part and show it a little love?
I am not on medical aid so restructuring my bite is out of the question at this stage. So I’ll live with them as long as I can, but I really don’t want any more root canals. At some point, I will probably have to have them out and get false teeth. Although I hate the idea, it is the most practical option I can think of. Since I have had really bad experiences with dentists, and avoid them wherever possible, I am going to procrastinate on this one! It will be “management by crisis!!!”
2a. What is one thing about your home that doesn't feel good?
Until a couple of weeks ago, I would have said that the sitting room was too narrow, but we fixed that by moving the doors out, so I think it would be that our bedroom is a bit dark, there is just a narrow courtyard outside that doesn’t let much light in. Since we are hardly ever home during the day, it is only a problem if I am sick and have to spend a couple of days in bed.
2b. What is one thing you can do to change that?
I have already had a skylight fitted in the passage, which made an enormous difference. As we have lovely high ceilings, and picture rails at door height, I would love to make a row of funky square windows along the wall that adjoins the passage, above the picture rail, to let some of the light from the skylight in. But I’m not sure the problem is bad enough to justify the mess and expense, so I am not too stressed about it right now!
3a. Is there a relationship that you have difficulty with?
Yes, my Father and I have a tense relationship. He is 88, (89 on Tuesday) so obviously there is not an endless amount of time to build bridges. When he is staying with us, I really have to keep reminding myself to keep my sense of humour, and not let his selfish, demanding and manipulative ways get under my skin. (This is not a new thing since he has been old, our whole family life revolved around him and his obsessive/compulsive fixations since I before I was born)
3b. What is something small you can do to either salvage it or come to terms with it? I know he is too old to ever change, so I have to change the way I react to him, and just be very patient. I find the thing that helps the most is reminding myself that he had an unhappy childhood, so it is not surprising he is an emotional cripple, which helps when I need to cut him some slack, and I am better at setting boundaries to protect myself from constant manipulation. Also Max is really good at helping me see the comedy in the whole situation.
4a. Is there something you are afraid to do, but would like to try it?
I am not a very fearful person when it comes to daring stuff, in fact I am a bit of an adrenaline junky, but one fear I am aware of is on a more personal level. I have lost many friends and family members since we were married, we have had 2 family members murdered in separate incidents, in one year 3 people I was really close to died of Cancer within a few months of each other, then my mom died a few years ago, and my mother in law (who I adored) 2 years ago. I also have a sister who suffers from Lupus and it is a miracle that she is still with us. What I have noticed is that, apart from immediate family, I have tended to distance myself from my friends more and more, and I know where it comes from, the irrational fear that if I get close to people, they die and I hurt. I had quite a wake up call a while ago, a friend phoned and said Sue, please come over, L (Her husband) is lying on the floor and I think he is dead!” I rushed over, and it was dreadful. He was dead, and his son was hysterical and trying to give him CPR. (He had just come home from hospital after a routine knee op, and a blood clot had broken loose and caused a massive pulmonary embolism.) They were in their mid 50’s, and he had just taken early retirement, they had all sorts of plans for the future. It was at a time when both of our kids were living out of the country, and we have no other family living nearby. I thought if (God forbid) the same thing happened to Max, who would I phone? And that is when the penny dropped about how I had been distancing myself from all my friends, by getting completely wrapped up in my work.
4b. What can you do to begin a plan to try it?
I have been making a conscious effort to balance my work/leisure time better, and make time for my friends. I am still far from where I need to be, so I must continue working on this.

Phew Mo, that was a tough one, but you asked us to dig deep! And thanks, I think it was a valuable exercise.

YAY it's raining!

I woke up today to my FAVOURITE weather! Bucketting with rain, wind howling, just look at the atmosphere in these photos!

This one is helped by the wonderful ripples in the antique glass in this old window.
Daily pix.....
Looking out my front door....

Here are a couple of zoomed shots of the slivers of bay and city that you usually see in the distance. I have never seen them this clear, you can even pick out houses right across the bay!
So I'm off to snuggle up with a hot cup of coffee, a good book and a few kitties....cheers!

1 comment:

Deb R said...

The photos are beautiful, both your rainy day photos and the paintings in the post above.

It was interesting reading your meme answers too. Your description of your relationship with your father reminds me of my relationship with my paternal grandfather - same sort of family dynamic and same sort of decision from me in recent years that my only option to deal with him in a rational way is to change the way I react to him.